Ever judge someone?

Show of hands, please.

Oh, good. So it’s not just me then.

I’m most fond of judging people for, get this, being so judgmental.

That’s my favorite go-to when I’m in a judging frame of mind. I can go on and on about how wrong these people are for how they judge others.

Aren’t we funny creatures? We fear being judged, but we go around judging others all the time, even when—or maybe especially when—we think of ourselves as nonjudgmental.

There’s no escaping the judgment of others for our choices and opinions, so why do we fear being judged so much?

One option we have is to decide that it’s not that scary to be judged. We judge, too, after all. And when we’re judging others, guess what? It doesn’t feel great. All we’re really doing is creating negative emotion within ourselves. If we choose to dig around for compassion and curiosity instead, we get to feel better fast.

If you think about it, it’s the judger who experiences the negative emotion. So why not let them?

You can choose to judge them for judging you, or you can remember that judging is no fun for the judger and remove yourself from that game. You can even have compassion for the judgers if you want. Or not. Either way, you have the absolute right to feel awesome about yourself even while they’re judging you.  

If the fear of being judged keeps you from expressing yourself or setting healthy boundaries, here’s the good (and bad) news: you’re already being judged so you may as well go for it.

She’s leaving her relationship?
She doesn’t know how to stick things out.

She’s staying in her relationship?
She’s such a doormat. 

We can’t win this game.

Since we can’t escape the judgment of others, why not express your opinions, set your boundaries, and let them judge you? 

Maybe judgement feels more serious to you. Maybe you believe that you’ll be ostracized, abandoned, rejected, and left all alone in the world if you express your true self or set clear boundaries.

It’s true that we risk disrupting the equilibrium in our relationships when we tell the truth. This is why it requires courage, faith, and support to leave behind an old pattern to reach for something more authentic.

But you may realize that it’s your own judgment of yourself that’s actually in the way. That’s an awesome discovery to make because when you’re ready, you can switch to compassion and curiosity for yourself. That switch becomes much easier after you’ve practiced it in your judgment of others.

I’ll keep practicing, too.

Sherry