DIANE GOTTLIEB

Diane_Heading

Diane Gottlieb writes open-hearted stories about people in pain who choose to grow.

Library zlib project z-library zlib project Bitplex 360 Immediate Access

LET’S RESOLVE TO REDISCOVER

It’s the middle of January.

First month of a brand-spanking-new year.

Resolutions have been made—and, if you’re anything like me—some of them have been broken.

 

Yes. I know. Already.

 

You may be disappointed with yourself. Frustrated. Maybe even a bit—or a lot—angry. But before your disappointment/frustration/anger unleashes a trickle or avalanche of mean self-talk (that BTW, you would never even consider saying to anyone else you love), take a moment. A deep breath. And consider this: Maybe breaking resolution(s) is a form of healthy resistance. Maybe you don’t need to be anything other than who you are right now.

 

Let that sink in.

 

I’m So Glad I Chose the Word “Rediscovering” and Not “Reinventing.

 

I saw an article recently in The Atlantic that really irked me. (The Atlantic is one of the few subscriptions I’ve kept this year. I’ve dumped many others—I’ll save those reasons for another post.) The irksome article was titled “What to Read If You Want to Reinvent Yourself.”

As someone who’s always looking for the next best read, you’d think I would have loved–yet another–book list.

But something about that title—and several of the books on the list—rubbed me the wrong way. And it took me a bit of time to fully understand why.

 

It’s been a little over 4 years since I started writing the WomanPause blog. At the start, I knew I wanted to write for women who like me … either because of empty nest, retirement, a loss … were starting on a new journey, or entertaining the idea, and who were somewhere around 50 years old or older. I loved the name WomanPause for the blog, but I needed a tagline. What would it be? I came up with this: amplifying the voices of women over 50 rediscovering ourselves.

 

I’m so glad I chose the word “rediscovering” and not “reinventing,” as in the Atlantic title.

 

Okay. You may be saying “rediscover” “reinvent”—is there really such a big difference?

 

My answer: Yes!

 

The Idea of Re-inventing Ourselves Feels Dismissive of Our Essence

 

Here’s the dictionary.com definition of discover: to see, get knowledge of, learn of, find, or find out; gain sight or knowledge of

 

Here’s the definition of invent: to originate or create as a product of one’s own ingenuity, experimentation, or contrivance

 

I have nothing against invention! “Ingenuity” and “experimentation” are both wonderful, too. So, of course, is “creation.” I recommend all! But … when it comes to our very selves, I pause. We have already been created! The idea of re-inventing ourselves–and much that goes along with it–feels dismissive of our essence. As if at our very core we are defective, that we, ourselves, need to be replaced with newer, better iterations—or inventions. I’m sorry, but I just can’t—and won’t–ride that train!

 

But Re-discovery! That’s a different animal.

 

Over time—and 50+ years is a lot of time—we have, unfortunately, covered up some–or much–of who we truly are. Maybe we were given the message that some part(s) of us were unacceptable, unattractive, too difficult, too loud, too silly, too ________ (you fill in your own blank). Maybe we squashed parts of ourselves in order to fit in and belong. Maybe we made ourselves smaller to accommodate others’ insecurities. Maybe, as Marianne Williamson famously said, we were afraid of our own light!

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.”

 

“To Be in Our Full Light, Maybe We Need to Accept the Parts of Us We Want to Change”

 

Take a look at your resolutions. Ask yourself if they, too, are based on the underlying assumption that you are not okay as you are—that you need to get rid of, or squash, parts of you—or even that you need to make a total overhaul and “reinvent” yourself.

To be in our full light, maybe we need to accept the parts of us we want to change. Maybe … may I dare say … we need to love the things about us that we want to change.

Pictured to the right is a wonderful quote I saw on Instagram by Emily McDowell  (thank you, dear Alison McGhee for reposting it on your account, where I first discovered it!)

How much do you LOVE that?!? How wonderful if, before we jumped onto the “new and improved self” bandwagon, we took some time to honor and celebrate our old selves.

I humbly suggest that we be more loving in our resolutions. Maybe our only resolution should be to bring out the shovel. For whatever reasons we have buried parts of our precious selves, now is a wonderful time to dig. And to dust off those long-silenced dreams, to bring them out to the light.

Let’s all resolve to rediscover.

 

P.S. Here’s a wonderful short read by Eden Robins published in Slate that brought me tremendous joy! It’ll take all of five minutes—you won’t be sorry! (I first saw this on Jami Attenberg’s Craft Talk substack!)

 

 

As always, I’d love to hear from you. Please write a comment or send me an email.

 

See you soon!

XOXOXO

Diane

 

 

Woman Pause Logo

12 Comments

  1. Sandell Morse on January 16, 2024 at 10:56 pm

    So true, Diane. The focus all around us is on remaking, redoing, rethinking, re, re, re — When really it’s often time to celebrate who we are. It’s all about balance isn’t it?

    • Diane Gottlieb on January 17, 2024 at 12:42 am

      “Celebrate who we are!” I am down with that, Sandell! And big YES to balance. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  2. Zelly Ruskin on January 16, 2024 at 5:21 pm

    Very inspiring, Diane!

    • Diane Gottlieb on January 16, 2024 at 5:55 pm

      Thanks so much, Zelly! Happy rediscovering!! XO

  3. Greta Holt on January 16, 2024 at 3:59 pm

    ‘To be in our full light, maybe we need to accept the parts of us we want to change.’

    This year, I heard an intermittent fasting coach say ‘allow’ instead of ‘accept.’

    Both words are important in my journey.

    You rock, Diane!!

    • Diane Gottlieb on January 16, 2024 at 4:44 pm

      Oh Greta! Thank you! And big YES to both “allow” and “accept!”
      From one who rocks to another-sending love!

  4. Marian Adams on January 16, 2024 at 2:05 pm

    LOVE this so much Diane! Thank you!! Just starting my day in snowy New York when I came upon your news letter, and completely reset my frame of mind for the day (and reminded me that I have several of Marianne Williamson’s books-tucked beneath my living room sofa-from years ago! ) Love how you describe the difference between reinventing and rediscovering. How important it is to honor all the scars collected thus far in our lives as we move forward, with them, and let our lights shine!

    XO Marian

    • Diane Gottlieb on January 16, 2024 at 2:10 pm

      Oh, thank you for this, Marian! Big YES to “honoring our scars, moving forward with them, and letting our lights shine!” XO

  5. Alison McGhee on January 16, 2024 at 1:03 pm

    How much do I love (and agree) with this? And how much do I love YOU?
    xoxoxo

    • Diane Gottlieb on January 16, 2024 at 1:22 pm

      Love you more, my friend!! XO

  6. Debbie Russell on January 16, 2024 at 12:44 pm

    I love this! As someone in the throes of rediscovering myself, I’ve learned it includes accepting that not everyone can join me on this journey. And that’s okay! Finding people like you is a highlight of this chapter.

    • Diane Gottlieb on January 16, 2024 at 1:22 pm

      Thank you for this important addition, Debbie! A big YES to accepting “not everyone can join me on this journey!” Finding people like YOU has been my great joy! XO

Leave a Comment





Zolpidem